Fowl Play

It is truly disheartening to those, who walk through farms, or travel through nature, when they see the animal pens, sparsely filled with thin and sickly looking chickens who cannot even hope to feed the reasonable appetite of the average American. These chickens instead of being a good source of meat, are made to sit there and just look hungry.

            Surely it is agreed by every farmer that this plethora of poor chickens needs to be fed more in order to produce more meat for the consumer because these animals cannot fulfill their purpose in life. Also, the manner is which chickens are killed is very time-consuming and makes the poor farmer gaze into the chicken's eyes as they take its life.

Since there are only around 8 billion chickens in the U.S. and 300 million hungry Americans to feed, how can we expect everyone to get a decent amount of their favorite meat? This is not a fair distribution and the poor chicken is not able to feed as many mouths as it could.

My solution, if carried out, will make sure each American never has to feel peckish again, that the chickens will be extremely healthy, and that the process we use to kill chickens will be improved greatly.

I will now “humbly” propose my solution to this grave dilemma that faces our country today.

My friends in labs have developed this magical drug that they have assured me will make a normal chicken two times as big and that they will be a much healthier size. 

Doesn't he look so happy?

We do not yet know what else this drug will do to them, but that is no matter; as long as they grow it will be beneficial for everyone. Furthermore, because of their large size they will not be able to escape the farm because they will not be able to move which will make sure that they do not face danger in the wild. Also, in order to speed up the process with which they are killed, we will drop them in a machine with hooks that will simply grab them and give them one simple cut to end their life. This is much better than the other long process and it frees up the farmer’s time to attend to more important matters.

I hope the agricultural community will take my suggestion into consideration and possibly reform the chicken industry both for their sake and ours.